A Love Letter

I took this Love Letter from Alpha Omega. I good time to recap; not only for the homeschool families for for us all.

I see you sitting there tired, worn out, and empty. Another year of homeschooling has used you up. You feel helpless like a baby. That's OK. I know all about being a baby. I was born one for you many years ago. I know the ache you feel to be held and loved, and that is why I came. I knew you would be sitting there in the future, praying and asking me to hold you, and I am dear one. Let me give you a special Christmas gift of love, as I breathe new life into the very center of your soul.

Do you know that I think of you every moment of every day? I watch you patiently homeschool the children I gave you, and I know how badly you feel when you fail and lose your temper. I forgive you, my child, just as you forgive your children when they make a mistake. "It's OK. We'll try again," you say to them, and I'm telling you the same thing, too. I'm so proud of you and how you've followed me when I asked you to teach your children about Me at home. Your sacrifice says that you love Me. I know all about that, too. I left everything that was mine when I came from heaven. I know how you feel when the Father asks so much of you.

Look at Me, my child. You may feel beat up, but do you know that you are still beautiful? I see that smile. Yes, you're still as beautiful as the day I created you. I love who you are, and I'm whispering your name. Can you hear Me? Remember my child that this is not your home. You really belong here with Me in heaven, but I want you where you are now to love this family I gave you. Don't give up. I want you to trust Me. I won't let you down. Every promise I've made is true, and someday I'm coming back for you. For now, rest in My love, and tonight and even tomorrow when you wake up, I'll be here watching over you. I love you. Merry Christmas.

"Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession. For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities" (Hebrews 4:14-15a).

Merry Christmas to you all from the Aguilar's!

God's Signature

Displayed on the wall of my friends' lake house is a collection of
pictures.
Each one of the photos is of a sunset, taken from their deck during
various seasons. While each is strikingly beautiful-no two are
identical. When I look at them, it reminds me of what another friend
once called a sunset-"God's beautiful signature at the end of a day."

God writes His signature on each sunset and on each of His unique
children as well. I never grow tired of discovering how every person I
meet is so delightfully different. God is infinitely creative, and the
variety in our personalities, senses of humor, abilities, and
preferences in music and sports are all handcrafted by Him.

God's signature that is so evident in nature is also present in His
people.
Let's celebrate the differences that make each of His children unique.
(Our Daily Bread)

20 weeks 3 days

    I have an active little guy taking space in my belly right now. I've been feeling the baby move for 9 days now!!!! It's such an awesome feeling knowing that, that precious baby within you is healthy. I had an ultrasound done on Tuesday. Can you believe it took 1.5 hours of work for the nurse doing it?! Yes the babe was moving that much. Matter of fact she couldn't keep up half the time. One things for sure HE sure is flashy! He wanted us to know that he is defiantly a boy!!!! That's right we are adding another baby boy to the family.

  Based on the ultrasound he's right on target. Not that I questioned it; after all Mike was only home for 2 weeks. We will be seeing him around the 19th of April. It looks like we're going to be needing some stuff now. I refuse to put my little boy in pink. Yard sales, clearances here we come!

 So anyway, this is short and sweet. I pray that those traveling will be safe. I pray that all your families will be blessed as we celebrate the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ!

That's my handsome daddy!! We miss you!

10 years ago today

We were preparing to bury my dad. Our Thanksgiving came with a heavy heart and lots of mourning. My dad passed away on the 17th of November and this past 17th didn't go by unforgotten. It never does. I've heard parents say, "I'd rather go first then to watch my children be buried". I think that's one of the things that helped me get past losing my dad. It would have been devastating had my dad had to see us go. He buried my brother. He did not speak of it for weeks. He really didn't do much. I'm not even sure how exactly he coped with Vincent's death. All I know is that with every Thanksgiving I remember who my dad was and all that he wanted during the holiday seasons. This was his favorite time of year. He'd hold his grandchildren as if it was the last time he'd ever see them. They loved every second of it you know? Not once did he treat them different from the other. He held them for just as long and kissed them the same amount of time, and he told each and every one them how much he loved them.

I'm not sure if my sister recalls but every holiday season my dad would say, " We will not fight or be negative for the next month.". I'd laugh deep down inside because let me tell you sometimes it was NOT easy, but that ever so slightly reminder stuck to me through out the years. I hear myself telling the kids the day before Thanksgiving, "don't be fighting for the holidays, enjoy them".

So even though my dad is not here with us, he still holds a big part during the holiday season. How can I forget such a loving, caring, self motivated, gentle man, whose hands where hairy?!! I had to say that. When we went to church in Kettleman City I use to play with his hair on his hands in church. Sometimes to the point where I remember tangling them...hehehe. He never said a thing.

I miss him so much, but I am so truly thankful for the blessings that God has poured upon us this very day. I have my husband home, my children here and living, and a home covered by the blood of the Lamb. Thank you Lord for all that you have done in my life, even in the times that I tried to push you away. Thank for you guiding me, loving me unconditionally, and forever holding me in your arms. Thank you for all that you have done for me and my family.


PS. Tomorrow is 10 years since we said good bye to my daddy.

My story at 15 yrs old.

I know I said I was going to post it here about a month; sorry. Please forward to anyone who is going through this.

I was 15 years old. As all teens are I became crazy over boys. Though I had a troubled 4ish years before that I don't think I had low self esteem. In fact I had always looked for those who dressed well, who seemed intelligent, who were respectful of others. I always wanted someone who, in a sense, was better then me? There was this "guy" who had all these characteristics so I thought. Honestly he wasn't good looking, matter of fact he looked like a mouse. I knew it then and still know it now. I don't recall how we met, but I do know it was a small town in the central valley of CA.

By the way, I am not going to say his name. If my family reads this (including Nini) they'll know who I'm talking about. Please don't say his name either guys.

After a week of meeting him, my dad noticed this kid sleeping outside on the grass at the apartment complex we lived in. So did I. I'd like to say we were not dating but I almost felt like I had no other alternatives. Honestly I did not really know why he was sleeping out there. I just knew he "dressed well". He was very nice with me, polite, did VERY well in school, and seemed to be pretty popular amongst his peers.

A week and half after "knowing" him, I spoke to him about what was going on. He upset me and let him know I was NOT happy. As soon as I was mid point my face was numb. He stuck me. For the first time I had been hit by a guy that I thought liked me. The only hit I recall is the first one, after that I do not know how many times I was struck. If my mind serves me well, I got up from the ground of the garage of a friend. I wasn't bruised but I was sore.

Boy was I ready to get out and run as fast as I can. Well I couldn't. At the time my dad was consumed with work and i rarely saw him to begin. I have chosen to leave out why I didn't go home. I'll have to do that in person one day. Just know I couldn't. During those 3 months I was being hit. Sometimes left in the corn fields behind the area of homes. Since corn wasn't in season at the time no one saw me out there. I was being left with bruises on my face. The neighborhood saw them but not once asked to see what was wrong. I wouldn't go into town because I was afraid I'd run into my dad, or even my brother. I kept it very low key. I don't remember how long I was left unconscious all those times. I remember times where he would hit me and I'd have seizures. That did not stop him. I was trapped. The more I would try and defend myself the worse I was hit. He would apologize every single time. Matter of fact through out the 3 months his mom was being hit by his dad. She ended up with broken ribs, often.

I remember looking at myself in the mirror wondering why it was happening to me. Could he cause me to be blind at 15? My eyes were closed shut at times. What was happening to me while I was out cold? How could someone hurt me or anyone? How do I get out of this situation? I did not like it and I wasn't worth the beatings I got. I was his punching bad. He would kick me, hit me, and at times even spit on me.

As every guy/girl does he would buy me things, say he was sorry, blame me for all the beatings. I was not naive. I knew I was not to blame for the pain he was causing me but I couldn't leave. I was stuck. Believe me I would look for ways out. After about 2 months of being of all of this, I figured I was stuck. I was destined to die in someone's house. You know; he even had the nerve to do it in front of people. He would make it seem like he was playing. He was so good at it that people believed him.

I'm sitting here writing this and a part of me is holding back on more details. My hands are wet from the feeling of fear that I once had. This is very difficult for me to share.

After 3 months, my mom came looking for me. She found me bruised. She didn't ask any questions because she came to tell me that my brother passed away 2 days earlier. Boy was that a shocker. I told my mom I couldn't go. That was not a good idea. Somehow I made it to my brother's funeral. I remember sitting there with tears in my eyes asking Vincent if this was his way of getting me out of this. Could my brother have saved my life.

Within hours of my brother's funeral I was at a family friends house. My brother and him grew up together. He was always and still is considered family. We call each other step siblings. We have since I was a tot.

I ended up moving in with Nini and his family. I don't know how much time went by but it was not long at all. This guy found out where I was at. I was in the shower one am. Suddenly I heard the door slam open and there he was. I thought, this is it, I'm going to die right now.

He wasn't in there but 30 seconds before Nini and the family got home. They front door was broken. The chain if I remember correctly was completely off the hinge. Nini's girlfriend called the cops. The guy's mom showed up with 15ish minutes. Her excuse, "She asked for it". I don't know what Nini did or said to keep them away. One things for sure is that God had me protected.

For anyone out there, if this is happening to you get help. So people are abused by those who say they love you. It's not true. They are not respecting you. They will do it again. I do not ever want to see someone I love go through what I went through. I did intentionally leave some details out. Please, your life is much more precious. Take care of what God has given you.

This is so hard. You have no idea how thankful I am that people prayed for me then. That the Lord never took his hands off me. I do not know how many times I could have died. I do not know what happened to me while I was out cold. I'm not even sure that I want to know.

I'm going to stop here...Just know, if you're near by and need someone to talk to or if this what you are going through, PLEASE, PLEASE get help. People are there, here, and everywhere. Don't let your life without meaning, that is not God intended. He did not make me suffer but instead this has become one of my testimonies to help others....I'm sorry there is no spell check today.

TMI!!!!!!!

We just got back from a short walk. Our walked reminded me of Japan because of the wind chill out. I got down to the bottom of the hill and was working against the wind.

I forgot how tiring that can be and there went my breath. Half of the way I could not catch my breath. That is how it was in Japan; often. Odd as it may seem, I've missed it. Yes really, wind chills are nice because when I walk in the door I can sit on the couch with one of my children and cuddle surrounded by nothing but warmth. Ahh, what a great feeling!

I'm sitting at 16+ weeks. I've had two days of feeling sick and it's not morning sickness (I don't think). Today seems to be a new day and not feeling as bad I have been the past two days. Feels pretty good, but only one problem; I am having no bowel movements what so ever!! This does NOT thrill me. I've eaten apples at night, drank coffee with a stool softener in it, everything, and nothing has worked. This is day who knows how many and it's starting to get just a LITTLE uncomfortable. Any suggestions would be helpful; my preference is the natural way but at this point anything safe for the baby works with me.

At this point in my pregnancy I can still see my toes but they are slowly going into hiding. I have a baby belly that is very noticeable and my face seems to have double in sized. My feet haven't grown much, my hands aren't any different but my face and belly have changed.

I've never noticed the changes on my face before until recently. The pigmentation on my face has changed drastically. Perhaps it's because I've been a tad bit under the weather. My lips are the same color as the rest of me. I have dark circles around my eyes that are not attractive at all.

Sis and I went in to Target the other day. Baby clothes are becoming a bit more, umm, let's just say they are starting to draw me in some. Oh man, so Target has this rocker that they have had for some time. It's growing on to me. I wanted it before but I am REEEEAAAAAALLLLLLYYY wanting it now. I've never had a rocker for me and baby, I just don't understand why I want one now.

I so badly want to talk about the friends of the past, present, and future but I know that's a blog of it's own. I just want you to know that even if we do not speak (often), rarely see other, always around you, you are always in my prayers. You may be upset with me, but I still pray for you.

One more thing, I know this woman. Her looks remind me of my mom. No one knows that she does but her. I just want you to know that I am proud of you and what you have done in your life. I always think and pray for you. I pray that blessings will fall upon you, so many that you don't know what to do them all. I love you my sister.

It's a baby now!

At 16 weeks it has formed from a lentil bean to a baby. S/he is pretty healthy. Doctor said the heart rate is nice and strong and he seems to be doing very well. Time is surely passing us by. In a couple of weeks it will be half over. In 4 weeks we'll know the sex. Crazy isn't it?!

So far all my weight has shifted to my belly and all the normal pregnancy areas. I'm already getting a little swollen. Which has my OB concerned with my thyroid. Plus, I did put on more weight then I should have and I'm not eating as much as I should. Next time I go in I'll have to get that checked. Honestly it doesn't worry me; as long as the baby is healthy.

I'm still having morning sickness; frequently. Quite disappointing to say the least. They had to give me different pills because the first ones where putting me to sleep. Matter of fact, they would knock me out so bad, that I fell asleep in the middle of the fair. I wonder; did anyone take pictures? I know if it were the other way around I would have! Who knows I may be floating around to a bunch of strangers being made fun. All in good humor! I'd do the same!! LOL!!

Today has been one of those days. The kids and I were suppose to go to P'cola. Well we tried anyway but only made it a couple of miles down the road. Cici seems to start to spit up, cry, and unbuckle while on the road. Pretty dangerous right? Well if you don't already know I have no patience for nonsense. I'm a little tired of this game and it is now putting our family in danger of getting in a car wreck. Yes you heard correct, it was pretty close today. Either I'm going to have find a babysitter, not go nowhere, or start spanking until we reach our destination. I'm sorry people but I firmly believe in a good swat to the butt. There is a major difference between beating and disciplining. If you disagree then it is your prerogative and what you feel won't change my mind. Sorry if it sounds rude. It's just my feel on it.

I've got a headache which seems to happen more often then none lately. I think I need to baby it right now....

13 weeks!!

I'm thrilled to announce that we have made it to 3 months! I say thrilled because I've had some vaginal bleeding going on. That, along with back pain, made me believe there was a possible miscarriage going on. This was the third time for it but it looks like we are out of the woods; for good; God willing! Sorry I didn't post what I still want to post about. I've literally been taking it easy.

I still have morning sickness. I read somewhere that at 3 months it would go away. Did they mean 3 months exactly or give or take 3 months? Just kidding! I was hoping for 3 months exactly. Honestly though I'll take the constantly feeling of wanting to vomit VS. the feeling of maybe losing your baby.

For those who knew, thank you so much for all the prayers. You have no idea what it's meant to me and my family. It's a frighting thought but through support and mostly prayers fear does not have to overcome us. Besides as I've said before whatever happens, it's by God's will and not mine.

My husband and I are celebrating our anniversary this weekend. Recently we went to a marriage seminar which really has helped us/me quite a bit. I hope to be at a conference at least once a year. I can NOT wait till the next one.

Dad's birthday is this weekend. My dad will have been deceased for 10 years. Time has gone but it doesn't mean I don't miss him or wish that at times he could be here with us. Recently I've though of him alot. I've even talked about him in Sunday school. Boy, I miss my daddy.

For some reason I seem to ramble when I should be concentrating on what I'd like to write. Maybe it's because this medication makes me sleepy... I'm wondering if that's a side affect. I sure am feeling drowsy. I came on with so much to say and now I'm drawing sheep (in my mind) as I type.

The Ultrasound

This should have been written days back but the flu (I think) took me out all week.
Yes on top of morning sickness my body throws out a virus.

Okay so here we go. Cheesecake never tasted so YUMMY!! Unless of course a friend of mine makes the best cheesecake ever! The downside BLT's don't settle well. That along with the watermelon I ate came up and said hello. Pretty colors but rather not see that again. Trust me!

I had an appointment with my Dr. Tuesday. Our baby is a whopping 12 centimeters! The little guy even waved at his daddy. Looking at the ultrasound for the first time kind of confirms that this is really real. Brings tears to your eyes knowing that you have been blessed with such a wonderful gift from the Lord. Although I've been pregnant 3 other times I can't help but to get the same feeling I did the first time around. Our little orange was moving and tossing and turning. Lisa (one of the nurses) tried to get pictures for us but the printer wasn't working.

I came that morning telling Cici that the baby was saying hi. Her little eyes lit up. She rushed to get her shoes on so she can say hi too. I let her know that next time she'll be able to go. As of now we have her excited about the baby; hopefully she's just as excited when the baby comes home in 6 months.

If I'm rambling I'm sorry. I'm still not up to par. I miss being at church. There is something I plan to share with my readers. I just want to inform you in advance it's going to be very descriptive and geared towards teens. I have felt it in my heart to share for a couple of months but have had this fear of doing so. I have prayed hard about it. Readers discretion will be advised. I'm hoping to get to it tonight or tomorrow. Again I apologize for the rambles.

I stink, YOU stink, EVERYBODY stinks!

Okay garlic; I have officially broken up with you until my morning sickness subsides! I'm sorry. I was so in love with you but you really have hurt me lately. We just need a break from each other. There are some things I need to work on before we can reconcile. Give me a month or two and we'll see where we're at by then. I'll miss you my flavorsome love.

I haven't written on here because my life exists of this; Wake up in the am sick. Go to the gym sick. Work out, stomach flips, head says good morning to toilet. Yep the toilet stinks, no matter how clean it is. I've learned that shine means absolutely nothing! Watch TV = nausea. Eating adds to heartburn oh and nausea. Did I mention that no matter what room I'm in or who is next to me I can't stand the smell. No matter what I do my stomach is so tied up in knots. Worse part is I don't throw up 95% of the time. If I did I'm sure I'd feel better.

My armpits stink!! No matter how much deodorant I put on, I stink! It's not as bad as your odor though. You're much worse. Please stop telling me you showered or brushed your teeth. That is not good enough. I don't mean to be cruel I just don't like smells right now. Oh and when you fart in the gym can you please not walk by me thinking it's not following you! I know it was you. You and I were the only one's on that side of the gym at 0500! Unless of course you want me to tell you, "Hey I know you farted, (whispering) it's following you; can you go poop now please?!".

"Sierra, mama, do you want to hear the baby?" Excitedly she says, "Yes mama!". I gently place her head on my stomach. She looks up like a deer in the headlights, "DADDY!!!! The baby is crying!!!!" "I heard him!". I can not wait till she's in the room with me/us listening to the baby on the ultrasound. She wants to name the baby; if it's a boy, brother. A girl, sister.

The only update I have is that you all STINK!!! AND I feel blah 23 hours a day. I love being pregnant! I love God, my husband, my children, and my friends. Hope you got a small smile on your face. I know I'll laugh at this one day; just not today.

This can't be so!

Since my last post I have realized that I've gone crazy. It's either me or my hormones. Can you believe that my favorite food no longer is? At least until I have my baby or morning sickness goes away. I'm Mexican as you all can see and I can't even look at a bowl of beans without kissing the toilet! Has the world gone mad?! I don't get this.

So if that isn't bad enough, garlic; well don't even let me smell it from another room. How this is torture to someone who puts ONLY puts 2 tablespoons of garlic in everything I cook.

Okay and lastly ingestion; I didn't even know what it was until a couple of nights when I happen to take tums and it all went away. Okay so I know someone must be taking great pleasure in my pain. That's okay because in about 7 months I'll look back at all of this holding my baby in arms knowing that it was those reasons why I have a beautiful baby.

Ahhh yes, the many blessings will overwhelm the morning sickness and by the time you know it, it will be a thing of the past as it has 3 other times.

Oh yeah, on an intimate moment, I'm treating me to a regular size root-beer float and a movie with my family.

On more thing before I cuddle with my husband and children; one and a half days and no spotting! Love you all and may the Lord bless you and your family.

My poor husband.

In the past week or so my cravings are out of control! My moods are not so bad and I'm still spotting.

Everyone should know by now that my husband got home Saturday late afternoon. Thank you Lord for getting him home safe. Well on the way home we picked up some Krystal's since it was nearing dinner time. I use to like the food there but I've changed my mind. The food sat right in the center of my chest till the following day. No more Krystal's for me. That was a horrible feeling! Let's not forget to mention Rootbeer! OOOHHHH it tastes so good!! For someone who rarely drinks soda. I've had no choice but to drink 4 ounces, okay maybe 6, okay, okay, no more then 8 daily. Did I mention how good it tastes?!

Last night the cravings for Chinese food came on quick and at 8:30pm. When I was pregnant with Sierra I could NOT tolerate the smell of Asian food, but this time around. Let's just say, we've got a little competition between sweet and sour chicken and root beer. It was so good. So when you come to my home, do me a favor? STAY AWAY from my rootbeer!!!! Oh and Winn-Dixie's deli sandwhichs, over priced and tasteless; right now anyway.

My husband and I went to the store today. Well on the way there I must have drove him crazy. I could not make up my mind. It was so bad that I felt nauseous thinking about what I wanted. Last minute decision; I made some very tasting, cheap Mexican food. WOW!!! That too was great! So far my inch size fetus agrees. However, it may decide to change it's mind later.

I'm so fortunate, no I'm blessed. My husband loves me! I've gotten the food I want. Be blessed!

Today is Sept. 11th

How can you forget a day like this. I remember getting the kids dressed that morning preparing to send them off to school. I've always been a news watcher (except this deployment). That tragic am as I said my good byes to my 2 children, I heard on TV that one of the towers had been hit. My jaw dropped as I heard the bus take my kids to school. I thought to myself what a horrible accident. With not much time for settling thoughts I stared at the TV as I watched a second plane hit the other tower. My heart sank. Tears flowed. I was afraid. I knew then we were being attacked. I'm not even sure if I sat down or remained standing. Neighbors came out to check on one another. Some looked at the sky making sure our base wasn't about to get hit. My phone began to ring. Events were taking place on TV that I only thought would be nightmare as I slept. Within an half hour of sending the kids off, the school called. They said we only had a small gap to pick up our children. They said we need to show 2 types of ID and bring them straight home as we waited for word. I didn't waste any time going to get them. As I did I watched our once peaceful base turn to a prison of Marines and their families locked on to the base with no place to go. The children and I sat in front of the TV as we heard there was a 3rd plane out there; missing.

My ex-husband was training Marines in the 54 area at that time. He called me and said, " Lisa, we heard, keep the kids with you our training has stopped and we're being attacked". Those words stood still in my mind. I watched as the people jumped of out the towers. I watched as tragedy took place all over the world. People stared at their TV from one screen into another. People running in the streets. Blood on the faces of Americans. Shocked neighbors as we tried to cope with knowing we would be going to war. I sat as watched our president receive the news in classroom full of children. Gravity bringing the towers to ground zero. I watched as thousands of people lost their lives that day.

Nothing but my children mattered at that moment. I even thought to myself, my daddy; he's gone. Had my dad been here right now to see this it would have broke his heart. He's okay where he's at. He must be. God took him before he watched this take place. I couldn't help but to cry for those who were losing their loved ones. My dad had only been gone 10 months. The reality of losing him still had not settled in. How would these people cope? Theirs was different. They watched it happen and could do nothing to stop it. So many thoughts ran through my head. I thought of a friend who lived in New York. Was she okay? Could I call her and be able to say hello, knowing that she wasn't close to where this took place. Our men and women who served at the time. They were about to face war. Some just turning 18 while others closing the book to their final days of an active duty service member. What were they thinking? What are my children about to face? OMGosh! we have 2 incinerators in our own back yard. Were we about to become the next victims of these peoples madness?

At some point they found the plane that was missing. I watched in awe as suddenly the TV turned it's focus on this plane that hit land with no living passengers. The third one I believe it was. Or maybe the 4th. I can't remember if the pentagon was before it. Either way we lost more lives that day. We were in a war. My (ex) husband was about to leave his children....

I recall crying out to God that day. Why was this taking place? Were those people saved? Did people reach out to them to teach them of Jesus' love? Did they have a personal relationship with our Lord and Savior? We went to Sattleback Church at the time. What was going to become of the world we lived in? Were we in the last days? The people that I love, were they saved?

This was surreal. How could this be? I had never thought in my wildest dreams that I would be alive to see something like this happen to us; Americans. My daughter only 5 saw as lives came to a halt. People being turned upside down from so much dust that covered downtown that day. Could they ever remember it as I will, I asked myself.

It's funny, not really, but think about it? So many people came to their knees that day. Asking for forgiveness, wanting answers, crying to Jesus, looking for salvation, asking the Lord to protect those that lost their loved ones. For one reason or another we gathered together from household to household, stranger to stranger, church to church, and prayed. I don't recall a time in my life where the churches were filled beyond their capacity.

We face tragedy each day, some worse then others. We may not face it like we did that day, but we do. As that day taught us we can never know when we'll face something like this again. Why do we sit still and do nothing when everything around us keeps going? Why do we face relationships and not time take a moment to show them who God really is? What if you could reach out to one person and that person meets the Lord the next day. You have allowed yourself to give them a gift that comes with no price. The price was already paid for us. Jesus shed his blood so that we may have eternal life. Why do we feel shame when talking to others about the one who can change who we are inside and out?

For those who don't know Jesus. Now is your time. You are a witness to that day. You saw how in fact things can change. Can you guarantee that you would have eternal life if you died today? If you have children, wouldn't you want them to know about a powerful, loving, forgiving, God. Even when we're overcomed by darkness he will still be there to pull us out of the storm. He never intends to leave nor forsake us. It's a promise to us. The shortest scripture in the bible says "Jesus wept". He cried for us, you and I. Not for himself but for us, just like he did when he took all our sins to the cross with him. Every single sin that we have done and will do he took it with him some 2000 years ago. Isn't it small enough to ask that we believe in him and ask forgiveness. My question to you, would you die for thousands of people even before they were born? He did. For both you and I. He knew you before he bore you. It's never too late. No matter what you've done he'll forgive you. He's that awesome. He's always at arms reach all you have to do is extend yours and cry out to him. He's ready; are you?

Change of plans.

My husbands flight got bumped and he won't be home till tomorrow afternoon....

Morning sickness here, but it's and after thought.

The kids and I made a twin size (sheet) banner today. Our house is sparkly clean. We're waiting with anticipation. No one is sleepy. Time has come to a crawl. The best part is that in 4 hours daddy will be home for a long, long time!!!!! He'll even be here to for the delivery of our fourth baby!! I'm so excited and happy to have my gorgeous husband home.

Pregnancy; So I started bleeding again. This time some of it was fresh. I'll be okay. We're just going to go with the flow. Still lots of sickness and tiredness. I think I really like feeling morning sickness right now. It assures me that baby is growing.

Hey did I mention my husband is coming home?! Pictures will come soon. Thank you to all my friends, family, including church family for supporting us these past 9.5 months! We love you all. The reunion is soon to come!

In Everything Give Thanks

First and far most I want to thank you Lord for answering everyone's prayers. I noticed through out the day that I no longer have the bleeding. However I do intend to keep things at a slow pace until Monday when I can go back to the gym!

Thank you everyone for all your prayers! I believe in the power of prayer that's for sure. We all should. Lord teach me to pray (Luke 11:1).

I felt great this am. Even did some yard work relieving some stress. Man it felt good! Don't worry it was no where near strenuous. All I did was light some leaves on fire. We did quite a bit of house work. My (real) stress relief; a hair cut!

So how do I feel? Well I don't have morning sickness but I do have afternoon, evening, and night sickness. Yep all but "morning sickness". I didn't get a nap in today so I feel sleepy and fat and I'm not even showing yet.

The best news today! The hubby will be home tomorrow night!!! Thank you Lord for keeping him safe while he was away. As of now that's all folks!

The news that everyone knows about!

Mike and I are having our 4th baby. For those that do not know; he came home on emergency leave July 15th. I was put in the hospital for about a week before he arrived, literally right before. While he was home for 2 weeks we managed to get pregnant. Amazing isn't it how God plans all this out?! I was pretty surprised, after all I hadn't been on birth control for about 2.5 years. A huge part of me thought it was no longer going to happen, boy was I wrong.

Here we are at 8 weeks pregnant. Every Tuesday is a new week and different changes. I have decided that on top of highlights I would actually write a (open) journal about how I feel and what my body feels and looks like as this little blessing begins to grow. Obviously that means there is going to be alot to read about.

Let's start by saying this. I'm actually in need of as many prayers as possible. You know a back up and protection for this little lima bean. Currently I'm having some "brown" spotting. I feel okay. I say okay because I am still having morning sickness, tiredness, and feeling bloated. All healthy signs of being pregnant. I know no matter what that this is only God's will and not mine/ours. I'm leaving it in his hands but prayers are VERY welcomed.

Moving on; One question, how can you be hungry and feel the need to vomit all at the same time? So far with all the nausea I've only "puked" once. When I eat my belly fills up pretty fast. With my other three I never did experience mood swings but this time around they are in full swing. Go figure, I have been working on my anger for quite some time, now I'm moody because I'm pregnant! I'm doing what I can to control it though. I'm bloated and I feel like none of my clothes fit me. Funny that they do but as quick as I get full I'm in no mood to wear pants that I have to unbutton while I eat. It's like a Thanksgiving meal every time food enters my mouth!! That's without swallowing too.

The worst part of being pregnant (speaking for myself) is morning sickness. By the way why do they call it that when it last all day and night? The best part is knowing that you and your husband have been given a precious gift from the Lord. You get to feel it grow inside you. A small innocent little life, inside you!

He is student of week for this!!!!

When I was born I had no clothes worn
I wasn’t fat and my head couldn’t fit in a hat.
Later on I turned one
I was my mom’s only son.
One year later I turned two
I wouldn’t be surprised if my first word was “Poo”.
At year three my grandfather passed away
But, he went to meet Jesus so that’s okay.
At year four it wasn’t much of a bore
My sister went to school while I got to sleep in and snore.
At year five I finally went to school
I cried a lot; boy did I look like a fool.
I turned six later on that year
That’s when I had my very first fear (Chucky)
Then comes year seven I was in the second grade
Man, in the second grade I had it all made
Eight years old and moving to Japan
Took a military plane, it was hot and they didn’t even have a fan
Got to Japan, man it was nice, thought it was going to be the best years of my life
Nine years old, one of the best years
Started playing football everyday with my favorite peers
Year ten, biggest birthday I ever had
Everyone was so happy, no one was sad
Few months later we had to move
I’m going to miss Japanese people how they dance and groove
Got here to Milton where it’s nice and hot
Finally to turned to a preteen, I loved it a lot
That same year I did the best thing ever
I got saved, couldn’t of chose anything better
Now I’m 13 still bending on my knee
Still following Jesus because he gave his life for you and me.

By Michael Gonzales Sept. 2010

My Father's Hands

I sought to write about my dad for a week now. Finally I have been given the opportunity. Last week I was sitting in church listening to the word of God being preached. My mind began to wonder. I know the timing was a little off for that but I started to miss my dad. He’s been gone for almost 10 years now. Times passed us by and although it has I remember him like it was only yesterday.

The fondest memory I have of my dad is when I was church as a little girl. I remember holding my dads BIG hands; well they were bigger then mine! His hand was so warm, gentle, hairy, and strong; it was my father’s hands. Thirty plus years and I can’t seem to forget his hands. I even remember some of the lines engraved. They were always so clean. His nails cut short (and even). You know, my dad never had dirty hands. Not even when he worked on our yard.

Anyway, I would sit in church with my hands gripped in his. I was so comforted knowing that my papi was taking care of me, just by holding my hand. He was my daddy. He loved me so much. I was his little girl; just because he held my hand. I remember moments where I would sit there and play with his hairs. I remember even tangling his hair because he had so much (I say this with a gentle laugh). I wonder how he unraveled the mess I made. I know he never shaved his hairy hands. Again, I have this smile. You know what? His fingers were hairy too.

Funny isn’t it? Our family traveled, ate at the finest restaurants (when we ate out), went to the movies (often), ate together, went to church together, and yet the only memory that stands out is my father’s hands. It’s not what he said or the lame jokes he told. I’m sure the things he shared with us stuck through out my life. I see myself at times still interested in wanting to listen to his stories one more time, but nothing is fonder to me then him holding my hand.

I have two girls and one son; so far. I wonder if one day when their father passes (because his time will run out) what memory they will have. Will they remember his smile or the way he sat there enlightened by his children laughing at the silliest things they did? Will he meet his grandchildren one day? Will he have great grandchildren? What will his legacy be?

My dad met his grandchildren, but not all. My daughter remembers him the best (I think). She remembers my dad holding her. That’s it, just being held by her grandpa. He didn’t have to say a word. It was only the love he had for us and even words didn’t matter much in the end.

Of course my dad was pretty smart, NO, MY father was intelligent. Yes that is what he was. I don’t know how many fathers read this. For those who do, do me one favor? Let your children hold your hand every chance you get. Hold them every chance you have them there with you. Love them even at their worst because they may never remember what words came out of your mouth but only how it felt to be loved by their father.

I miss my daddy. I miss his voice, his passion for life, his artist look on Gods incredible creations, his strength, his love, his hands….

For the children young and old, enjoy your father let him hold you one more time. God knows when he’ll call your daddy home. Take advantage…I wish I would have.

For All those who are married/engaged

My husband is currently deployed as most know. Since he's been gone this song has touched my heart in so many different ways. I believe that the Lord placed it in my heart at the right time. I pray for my husband daily and I pray for me too. I now frequently pray for marriages. Not sure if Mike will see this..but I'm holding this song dear to my heart.

Handing them over..

Okay Lord here I am.
I'm having a horrible day. I can't think straight, I'm lost, confused, lonely, and in a complete stage of depression. You know as to why I'm here. I need not share the details out loud. My husband had to leave; for a short time. I wish he didn't go. I'm sitting here in tears for the... who knows how many times today. Please dear God help me to get through this. I know I have great friends here but I'm not sure that they can help me right now. It's you that I need. I ask to hear your voice, I plead for your help. I need you right now God. Help me to become strong. Give me the strength that I need. Give me peace of mind. Please Heavenly Father; I don't know how much more I can take.

It's funny how you send me a message and sometimes I have no idea it's for me. I heard this song called "Trading My Sorrows" 3ish times this week. Every time that I have needed you this song came up. I can't ask "why Lord" because I know why. At least I think I do. I feel stuck. In a deep hole. Am I really suppose to feel this way. I'm suppose to be an example for a small number of people yet I can't get a grip on myself. Why does this short time seem like a life time, when it's only 4.5 weeks. why am I going crazy. Why do I feel so torn apart; so alone? I have you and you are the ears that I hope to be one day. Help me to recover. Please Lord, please....

A converstaion with God...

A minister passing through his church
in the middle of the day,
decided to pause by the altar
and see who had come to pray.

Just then the back door opened,
a man came down the aisle.
The minister frowned as he saw
the man hadn't shaved in quite a while.
His shirt was kinda shabby
and his coat was worn and frayed.
The man knelt, he bowed his head,
then rose and walked away..

In the days that followed,
each noon time came this chap.
Each time he knelt just for a moment,
a lunch pail in his lap..

Well, the minister's suspicions grew,
with robbery a main fear.
He decided to stop the man and ask him,
'What are you doing here?'

The old man said, he worked down the road.
Lunch was half an hour.
Lunchtime was his prayer time,
for finding strength and power.

'I stay only moments, see,
because the factory is so far away;
as I kneel here talking to the Lord,
this is kinda
what I say:

'I JUST CAME AGAIN TO TELL YOU, LORD,
HOW HAPPY I'VE BEEN,
SINCE WE FOUND EACH OTHERS FRIENDSHIP
AND YOU TOOK AWAY MY SIN. DON'T KNOW MUCH OF HOW TO PRAY,
BUT I THINK ABOUT YOU EVERYDAY.
SO, JESUS, THIS IS JIM CHECKING IN TODAY.'

The minister feeling foolish,
told Jim, that was fine.
He told the man he was welcome
to come and pray just anytime

Time to go, Jim smiled, said 'Thanks.'
He hurried to the door.
The minister knelt at the altar,
he'd never done it before.

His cold heart melted, warmed with love,
and met with Jesus there.
As the tears flowed, in his heart,
he repeated old Jim's prayer:

'I JUST CAME AGAIN TO TELL YOU, LORD,
HOW HAPPY I'VE BEEN,
SINCE WE FOUND EACH OTHERS FRIENDSHIP
AND YOU TOOK AWAY MY SIN. I DON'T KNOW MUCH OF HOW TO PRAY,
BUT I THINK ABOUT YOU EVERYDAY.
SO, JESUS, THIS IS ME CHECKING IN TODAY.'

Past noon one day, the minister noticed
that old Jim hadn't come.
As more days passed without Jim,
he began to worry some.

At the factory, he asked about him,
learning he was ill.
The hospital staff was worried,
But he'd given them a thrill.

The week that Jim was with them,
Brought changes in the ward.
His smiles, a joy contagious.
Changed people, were his reward.

The head nurse couldn't understand
why Jim was so glad,
when no flowers, calls or cards came, Not a visitor he had.

The minister stayed by his bed,
He voiced the nurse's concern:
No friends came to show they cared..
He had nowhere to turn.

Looking surprised, old Jim spoke
up and with a winsome smile;
'the nurse is wrong, she couldn't know,
that He's in here all the while

Everyday at noon He's here,
a dear friend of mine, you see,
He sits right down, takes my hand,
Leans over and says to me:
'I JUST CAME AGAIN TO TELL YOU, JIM,
HOW HAPPY I HAVE BEEN,
SINCE WE FOUND THIS FRIENDSHIP, AND I TOOK AWAY YOUR SIN.
ALWAYS LOVE TO HEAR YOU PRAY,
I THINK ABOUT YOU EACH DAY, AND SO JIM, THIS IS JESUS CHECKING IN TODAY.'

I'm forgiven.

This is a special blog. As some may have read a couple of postings ago, there was a special prayer request that went out. That prayer request still exists. I thought I knew what I wanted to say but once I started typing I became lost for words.

We have all made mistakes. Some more then others. We have punished ourselves in ways unimaginable to man. And some not at all. Yes we have hurt people. I know I have. I know I've been hurt from people as well.

It's difficult to face those who have hurt you. Parents, spouses, your children, friends, and even God. We wonder why they can do this to us. At times we frequently ask ourselves "'why me Lord?' 'Why have people chosen to hurt me so bad?'". (Palms 139) Is there not one person that has ever gone through life not asking themselves that?

I have to admit it's hard going through relationships and not questioning what people's motives are. Sometimes you run into those who you know will come and go. Those that come into your life to only point out the wrong in you even when the wrong doesn't exist. Then you have some who you know you want to have a relationship with but you feel the pain that they have. You have others that no matter what they do or how they hurt you, you can't seem to stop loving them. But through out it all, the most important lesson you learn is to forgive one another. At times you'll find the party not so forgiving and that's okay too. You can't change their thinking but it doesn't mean that you should not show them love or be less forgiving. (Acts 13:38)

How do so many of us try and pull the plank out of someone else's eye when a log is stuck in our own eye? (Matthew 7:1-5) Can you imagine the pain that we must endure when we face ourselves in the mirror?

Brittany; you are no different from me or anyone else. I forgave you long before you knew I knew. I know that I'm not the only one. How can I be the one to tell you what you have done wrong; when even now I have made mistakes. In my marriage, in raising my children, and in other relationships in my life. I have forgiven you; I have forgiven my husband, I have forgiven all those who have done me wrong. Why you may ask? Well because I know that God allowed his son to die for us. His son was laid on the cross with each and every one of our sins. He felt all our sins before we even knew they existed. Our father loved and still loves us unconditionally. Who am I to do the opposite for a man whom sacrificed his life for mine? He never left us and he has no plans on it. (Hebrews 13:5).

A quick highlight, Brittany did not have a sister who passed away. BUT who cares! You are forgiven by me!! AND most importantly you are forgiven our Lord Jesus Christ!!!!!!! Isn't that awesome! He forgave you and me and them before we even asked him for forgiveness. We support you Brittany. My family is praying for you.

I look forward to getting to know Brittany Cardinale and her family. We love you for you! Friends, family, and strangers to Brittany, let's show her that we forgive her and continue to pray for her. God is on our side!

We love you Brittany and starting with me; I forgive you!!!!!!!

Is this what Mike does on his down time?

NO way! It couldn't be; he's a corpsman in the Navy!

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And if he did; I'd totally understand.

A Prayer For Britt'knee

Today was a rough day. One of the kids in our church lost her sister. Her sister passed away in a car accident. It has been rough. It feels like Britt is my daughter and I feel every bit of pain that she is feeling. I don’t know how to comfort her, much less even what to say. I know that “I’m sorry” isn’t good enough and honestly; it’s not something I wanted to hear when my dad passed away.

I’ve once again been proven that our church family is beyond anything I could have ever expected. Their love is shining through. They have been in and out of my house all day to show her that we are there for her.

Through all of the support for this young lady, I still feel helpless on what to say or do. Despite it all, we have been able to turn the mood into laughter and sometimes tears, when the good and bad times have come through out the day.



Britt, we’re ALL here for you. We love you from far and near.

Psalm 94:19
In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul.

You are in our prayers and will continue to be for you and your family.

Smiling at the wonders the Lord has given me.

Right now I'm listening to the sounds of laughter and Karaoke mixed in together. My son is so happy right now. I can't help but to sit here with a smile on my face. Wow! The Lord has truly blessed Mike and I with a beautiful family. His grin is from ear to ear. He doesn't care that he's not on tune, or that his throat hurts. Matter of fact he has no care in the world right now.

They have even decided to dedicate a song to me. La Bamba!! Imagine that?! One white chick and my son singing a Spanish song to me...HAHAHA!! I can't help but to laugh at these kids.

Cici is sleeping. She's in bed and looks so angelic. Sis is listening to Christian music and taking it easy in her room.

I can't help but to sit here and laugh at these kids singing in Spanish! LOL!!!

As I listen to them and I blog, I'm also chatting with the greatest friend and sister! I ran into some pictures a few days ago of her and I singing in the church we grew up in. For a second I missed my childhood and for some time I missed her. How I wish I could see them again. I want to go out to eat with her and D and watch people act silly around us. That was a blast! The best part was that Mike was happy being there!!

Boy, do I miss my husband. I wish I could sit here with him and laugh at these kids, I miss you my love. What a great night it's been.

Bec and D I miss you guys!!! I can't wait till we see each other again! We'll need to take lots of pictures this next time. We're women now!! I love you all!!

Thanks Nate!!

Okay kiddie kats this is for you!!!

Shout to the LORD!!

What a wonderful day it has been! Thank you Lord for surrounding me with your beauty!! What a might God we serve!

"Picnik Show"

Create a free slideshow with Picnik!

I'm so happy I don't even know what to talk to about. So I left you a show!

Youth day!

Mike our daughter is here!!!! 90 mile bike ride Baby!!! All to support the missions!!! We love you!!!!

It's Sunday!!!!

How do I sum this up?

1. awesome friends
2. Great service
3. Great weekend!
4. Feeling fab!
5. God is AMAZING!!!!!!

Their testimony

Our God is an amazing God!! I ran into a couple at base housing today. Praise God the husband has been healed by the blood of Jesus!!!!!! He no longer lives with Type 1 Diabetes. He was so happy. His smile grinned from ear to ear. The wife watched in love as her husband spoke of his testimony. I wanted to scream and shout. I held tight and finally said, “The Lord is moving; so many people are being healed; we’re pleading the blood of Jesus on everyone who suffers..!” I continue to remember their faces as they said they have been so faithful to the Lord for all he’s doing their lives.

How can we not want to love him when he shows his love in ways like these? I don’t understand why we even question him.

"For I will restore health unto you, and I will heal you of your wounds, saith the Lord." (Jeremiah 30:17).

I mean he said it himself. He said that he would heal us of all our pain. He died, he was crucified, and he rose and went to heaven. Amazing isn’t it?! We see it here on earth!! “He is the same today, tomorrow and forever”!! (Hebrews 13:8).

Did I mention how beautiful my children are? These 2 days they have worked together without fighting! This house is a home anointed, and filled with the Holy Spirit! I feel at ease.

Mike leaves tomorrow to the “field”. I know he’ll be fine, after all we’re praying a hedge of protection over him. Boy, how we’ve missed him. I’m sure he misses us too. Mike if you’re reading this; I’m glad that you know you left us in good hands. Our church family has been amazing and a true blessing to our family and home. I love you baby!!!

Today's rambles

I’m not sure how well yesterday went. I woke up feeling as if I was floating on air. To some, that would be a great thing, but to me; it’s like telling me I didn’t sleep well. I woke up in deep thought; again about my husband. Now that I think about I haven’t read my bible like I should be. I mean I read it, but I haven’t been grasping the word of God.

As I sit here I’m wondering how interesting yesterday was. It’s almost like I don’t have any memory of what took place, sort of. I heard from my husband by email only. Did I mention that already? Shared a couple of emails and the conversation was over.

I went and mailed off package to him. Can you believe it cost me $45 to send him a box?! I left the PO with tears in my eyes. It hurt so bad to know that the government should be attending to these men and women who are serving our country and risking their lives everyday for us. The return we get is insane. Perhaps I put ‘we’ in there, because as families we sacrifice so much too. Funny thing is we’re supposed to get FSA and other entitlements, but after all these months it still hasn’t caught up to us yet. Will it? Well it’s the government and if it’s not for them, it’s no big deal.

You know what I did yesterday? I went and got my eyebrows waxed, pedicure, and a manicure! It gets me excited because I get a manicure probably once every 2-3yrs. I hate spending the money on that sort of thing but I did yesterday. I was speaking to the lady last night about my husband. Boy did she go all out. I had one of the best arm and calves massages since Jan. She took 45 minutes to massage my arms and another 45 minutes to massage my calves. I think I’ll be seeing her often!

I did miss service last night. It was the first time since becoming active in the church. You know, I really didn’t feel bad. As usual, after Wednesday night services we have some of the young adults come over for a couple of hours. That’s always fun! We talk, laugh, make fun of each other, and at times have discussions (long or short) about our Lord Jesus Christ. You know I really hope this doesn’t stop when Mike comes. I have enjoyed my Wednesday nights.

Yesterday was one of our young adults birthday. Happy belated birthday btw! I didn’t do anything for her. I mean I knew it was her birthday, but at the same time I really needed to rejuvenate. Needless to say; she got no cake.

Just a quick reminder before hanging this up, I’m going to post a slide show soon of all the things we’ve done since hubby has been gone. Also, I’m saying a prayer for all of you who look at this blog today. Know that you are being thought of.

Dear Diary???

I have not written lately because I feel like it wasn’t important to do so. Boy was I wrong!

Dear (online) diary,

    How I’ve missed our chats. My husband has been gone since Jan 8^th. Diary, why has it not gotten any easier? I really wish you could answer me but I do know that is impossible. Maybe I should say, Dear God.

Dear Lord,

   I miss my husband. He’s been gone for quite some time now and we’re not even half way through this deployment. I’ve tried Lord; to keep myself busy; to keep the kids busy. Oh how I’ve tried. So much has happened dear God; that some has even been out of my control. I do at times wish I had the ability to conquer all but I know it’s your job. I know Jesus I don’t have to refresh your memory on what happened yesterday, but I do find the need. I had a bad day; a REALLY bad day. I found myself crying out, “I want someone to clean for me, I want someone to cook for me, I want someone to wash my clothes, I want someone to listen to me, I want to take a shower by myself without any interruptions, I want to go to bed early, I want to be able to freely to go somewhere (by myself) knowing that when I get home no one will need me…” and so on Lord. You know Dear God that I make my alter where it need be. But I just couldn’t focus. I woke up feeling that way. I woke up feeling as though I was not married. I woke up missing everything that sat in front me. I woke up feeling as though I could lose my husband in a spilt second. The reality of Iraq’s war struck a cord; and not a good one.

  Help me to understand how you never feel neglected; when I know from down here people push you away. I don’t think I’m being pushed away but rather quite the opposite. I have never experienced any of this before. Women that I can say I trust. Not all but at least there fingers up now. Yet still I’m missing something. Could it be Lord, that this is all normal? Could it be one of your tests?

I’ve been a better confidant, a better mom, and a better wife; at least I think so anyway. Why am I being attacked?? Why is Satan trying to destroy what I have so solidly built? I know he can’t as long as I follow you Lord, but I’d prefer that he go away for good. I don’t want to see his ugly face. I will continue to rebuke him in your mighty name.

Please Lord, help me to grow and to become all that you want me to be. I feed off you. I learn from you. I worship you. I need the strength to get through the trails that I have had to endure and will be facing in the future. Please help me to be the wife you want me to be. Please dear Lord hear my prayer. I want to feel free and yet become all that you have planned for my future. Please take care of my husband. I really want him home. I ask a hedge of protection for him and to be spiritually fed while away from home. Help my children Lord. Give them the ability to understand my bad and good days. I can not let today be another bad day. I love you with all my heart Dear Father. In your mighty name I pray. Amen.

It's late; I know...

   But I just feel the need to say; wait! To shout, HE LOVES ME!!!!!  And he know the plans he has for me! Not sure what they are but man, my Fathers love is stronger then any other love I know!


  Secondly; I missed Mike's call today. I'm okay with it, only because I don't have a choice. It would be nice to have him home right now. Yeah, okay...I miss him. I know it's okay to miss him too.

 Thirdly; this song maybe for someone. Don't know who, but hey just listen to the message. Love you..

Women have Flaws??

One Flaw In Women  

Women have strengths that amaze men...

They bear hardships and they carry burdens,

but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy

and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in...

They stand up to injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer

when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend..

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel

and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about

a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member,

yet they are strong when they

think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss

can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you

to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what

makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.

They have compassion and ideas.

They give moral support to their

family and friends.

Women have vital things to say

and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,

IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Where's papa again?!

Today wasn't all that bad. Maybe it's because we've had company and I got a chance to do things I usually don't do; like Karaoke. Yes I sang Karaoke with my son and a special friend. Cici even decided to join along in the fun.

Okay so we didn't sing that good but hey, we now know why we're not in the choir at church. LOL! I would have taken pictures but when you're singing along you can't really hold the camera at the same time!

Ms. Cici asked a couple of times today about "when is papa coming home?" "He'll be home soon enough my love." I responded. "Why papa have to be far away for work?" She asked. I answered with, "because he loves us." That ended that conversation.

I got a chance to speak with Mike today. He's doing well. He's eating some great mexican food right now and has the opportunity to spend it with family. I'm glad he's there enjoying his last few days with his parents and brother.

I don't think I've ever told him but I really do worry about them. His dad's health was in question last year but he's a strong man and I doubt he's going anywhere! Which is prefect for me, I don't want to see my husband go through the pain of losing a parent like I did.

I've heard and have even said I don't ever want to bury my children but losing a parent isn't any better. It's hard. I know. Anyway, just a little update as we continue to become accustomed to my gorgeous husband being gone.

We miss him already....

Singing praises!

Forever - God is Faithful - Chris Tomlin

bondservant007 | MySpace Video

"papas gonna be back tolmolow"

"No baby, papas not coming back tomorrow", I said.

"How come, he's cying?" Sierra spoke.

"No papas not crying. He has to go to work for a long time. He won't be back till after you are 4. He has to protect us and all our friends." I replied.

" Even my bestfuen Evelyn?", "and Mr. Jim"?

I wanted to cry and responded, "Yes baby, even for all your friends..."

As she walks away, "papas going to come home becos he loves me huh mama?"

Before it ended I responded, "Papas going to come home because he loves us and Jesus loves us too.."

So my heart aches.

"Just go..."

We took Mike to the airport. Is that the appropriate way to start a post? I'm not even sure how to start or even the "right" words to say. Perhaps this is such a number of words put together with no meaning what so ever. Or that I'm lost in translation. Whatever it turns out to be; forgive me if at times it sounds rude.

As we headed out the door Sierra became a little anxious. Within a few seconds of putting her in her carseat she began to cry. I must say this is nothing out of the ordinary for her. For some reason she is beginning to dislike it. Too bad for her. She stayed like that all the way to the airport (15 min drive).

We all got off to say our good byes for the next 9 months (I hope). That's when emotions started to over come some of us. Mikey is the same; he's my sensitive precious boy; he cried a little bit. Crystal well she's "hardcore". Nothing bothers her; except this time her eyes got a little red when Mike hugged her. Sierra, she's 3, come on what can we expect at that age. Well she cried and didn't allow Mike to hold or even look at her. That's when him and I realized that yeah, she understands now. It didn't feel good. Tears gently rolled down my eyes and Mike's eyes grew red.

You know, as I stood there; I realized things were a bit different, even after 14 deployments. It just wasn't the same. I looked around and saw nothing but "civilians". Not a single family there was feeling what we felt (at the moment). We were alone. All by ourselves. *heart breaking* No one was there to support him and/or us. I mean we know whats here in this town. We have plenty of friends, support, and even God! Yet the feeling of emptiness overwhelmed me. I couldn't be there anymore. I had to tell him, "please just go". As I said that, I began to feel like a horrible person, like, I dunno. It was a little difficult to continue to watch the kids begin to feel the pain of their father leaving. And me, "the wife" watching my husband leave. I had to ask him to go. Though I know it won't be forever, I felt like a such a; I don't know.

For the first time; we kind of do feel a little alone right now. I think I know what to do. It's time to pray and read the bible. I have to remember that only the Lord knows what's next for us. It's time to become mom and dad for 9 months and hopefully no more...

Conformation; I know we're not alone, but the feeling there was and is a bit overwhelming.

Only HE knows.

I've been awake for quit some time already. I was a bit restless last night. Mike leaves today. We seem to be feeling much better then prior deployments but it's hit us. Mikey cried last night. Crystal (for the first) is really feeling this. Sierra doesn't understand it. I, well I have to be mom and be strong. I know the Lord has a plan for us. I know that this deployment is a small sacrifice. What more can we give? After all he did sacrifice his life.

So now what? What's left? It's only 30-45 minutes before we head out. Oh Lord give me the strength to get through this day. I, we need you today...Not sure if this is a venting post, or a prayer request post, but whatever it is only God knows...

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

There is something!!!!

But it has to wait. Oh and the Holy Spirit is going to move like nothing you've seen before!!! Oh and HE loves us!!!!! Get ready to rumble!!!!!!!!!