"Just go..."

We took Mike to the airport. Is that the appropriate way to start a post? I'm not even sure how to start or even the "right" words to say. Perhaps this is such a number of words put together with no meaning what so ever. Or that I'm lost in translation. Whatever it turns out to be; forgive me if at times it sounds rude.

As we headed out the door Sierra became a little anxious. Within a few seconds of putting her in her carseat she began to cry. I must say this is nothing out of the ordinary for her. For some reason she is beginning to dislike it. Too bad for her. She stayed like that all the way to the airport (15 min drive).

We all got off to say our good byes for the next 9 months (I hope). That's when emotions started to over come some of us. Mikey is the same; he's my sensitive precious boy; he cried a little bit. Crystal well she's "hardcore". Nothing bothers her; except this time her eyes got a little red when Mike hugged her. Sierra, she's 3, come on what can we expect at that age. Well she cried and didn't allow Mike to hold or even look at her. That's when him and I realized that yeah, she understands now. It didn't feel good. Tears gently rolled down my eyes and Mike's eyes grew red.

You know, as I stood there; I realized things were a bit different, even after 14 deployments. It just wasn't the same. I looked around and saw nothing but "civilians". Not a single family there was feeling what we felt (at the moment). We were alone. All by ourselves. *heart breaking* No one was there to support him and/or us. I mean we know whats here in this town. We have plenty of friends, support, and even God! Yet the feeling of emptiness overwhelmed me. I couldn't be there anymore. I had to tell him, "please just go". As I said that, I began to feel like a horrible person, like, I dunno. It was a little difficult to continue to watch the kids begin to feel the pain of their father leaving. And me, "the wife" watching my husband leave. I had to ask him to go. Though I know it won't be forever, I felt like a such a; I don't know.

For the first time; we kind of do feel a little alone right now. I think I know what to do. It's time to pray and read the bible. I have to remember that only the Lord knows what's next for us. It's time to become mom and dad for 9 months and hopefully no more...

Conformation; I know we're not alone, but the feeling there was and is a bit overwhelming.