My story at 15 yrs old.

I know I said I was going to post it here about a month; sorry. Please forward to anyone who is going through this.

I was 15 years old. As all teens are I became crazy over boys. Though I had a troubled 4ish years before that I don't think I had low self esteem. In fact I had always looked for those who dressed well, who seemed intelligent, who were respectful of others. I always wanted someone who, in a sense, was better then me? There was this "guy" who had all these characteristics so I thought. Honestly he wasn't good looking, matter of fact he looked like a mouse. I knew it then and still know it now. I don't recall how we met, but I do know it was a small town in the central valley of CA.

By the way, I am not going to say his name. If my family reads this (including Nini) they'll know who I'm talking about. Please don't say his name either guys.

After a week of meeting him, my dad noticed this kid sleeping outside on the grass at the apartment complex we lived in. So did I. I'd like to say we were not dating but I almost felt like I had no other alternatives. Honestly I did not really know why he was sleeping out there. I just knew he "dressed well". He was very nice with me, polite, did VERY well in school, and seemed to be pretty popular amongst his peers.

A week and half after "knowing" him, I spoke to him about what was going on. He upset me and let him know I was NOT happy. As soon as I was mid point my face was numb. He stuck me. For the first time I had been hit by a guy that I thought liked me. The only hit I recall is the first one, after that I do not know how many times I was struck. If my mind serves me well, I got up from the ground of the garage of a friend. I wasn't bruised but I was sore.

Boy was I ready to get out and run as fast as I can. Well I couldn't. At the time my dad was consumed with work and i rarely saw him to begin. I have chosen to leave out why I didn't go home. I'll have to do that in person one day. Just know I couldn't. During those 3 months I was being hit. Sometimes left in the corn fields behind the area of homes. Since corn wasn't in season at the time no one saw me out there. I was being left with bruises on my face. The neighborhood saw them but not once asked to see what was wrong. I wouldn't go into town because I was afraid I'd run into my dad, or even my brother. I kept it very low key. I don't remember how long I was left unconscious all those times. I remember times where he would hit me and I'd have seizures. That did not stop him. I was trapped. The more I would try and defend myself the worse I was hit. He would apologize every single time. Matter of fact through out the 3 months his mom was being hit by his dad. She ended up with broken ribs, often.

I remember looking at myself in the mirror wondering why it was happening to me. Could he cause me to be blind at 15? My eyes were closed shut at times. What was happening to me while I was out cold? How could someone hurt me or anyone? How do I get out of this situation? I did not like it and I wasn't worth the beatings I got. I was his punching bad. He would kick me, hit me, and at times even spit on me.

As every guy/girl does he would buy me things, say he was sorry, blame me for all the beatings. I was not naive. I knew I was not to blame for the pain he was causing me but I couldn't leave. I was stuck. Believe me I would look for ways out. After about 2 months of being of all of this, I figured I was stuck. I was destined to die in someone's house. You know; he even had the nerve to do it in front of people. He would make it seem like he was playing. He was so good at it that people believed him.

I'm sitting here writing this and a part of me is holding back on more details. My hands are wet from the feeling of fear that I once had. This is very difficult for me to share.

After 3 months, my mom came looking for me. She found me bruised. She didn't ask any questions because she came to tell me that my brother passed away 2 days earlier. Boy was that a shocker. I told my mom I couldn't go. That was not a good idea. Somehow I made it to my brother's funeral. I remember sitting there with tears in my eyes asking Vincent if this was his way of getting me out of this. Could my brother have saved my life.

Within hours of my brother's funeral I was at a family friends house. My brother and him grew up together. He was always and still is considered family. We call each other step siblings. We have since I was a tot.

I ended up moving in with Nini and his family. I don't know how much time went by but it was not long at all. This guy found out where I was at. I was in the shower one am. Suddenly I heard the door slam open and there he was. I thought, this is it, I'm going to die right now.

He wasn't in there but 30 seconds before Nini and the family got home. They front door was broken. The chain if I remember correctly was completely off the hinge. Nini's girlfriend called the cops. The guy's mom showed up with 15ish minutes. Her excuse, "She asked for it". I don't know what Nini did or said to keep them away. One things for sure is that God had me protected.

For anyone out there, if this is happening to you get help. So people are abused by those who say they love you. It's not true. They are not respecting you. They will do it again. I do not ever want to see someone I love go through what I went through. I did intentionally leave some details out. Please, your life is much more precious. Take care of what God has given you.

This is so hard. You have no idea how thankful I am that people prayed for me then. That the Lord never took his hands off me. I do not know how many times I could have died. I do not know what happened to me while I was out cold. I'm not even sure that I want to know.

I'm going to stop here...Just know, if you're near by and need someone to talk to or if this what you are going through, PLEASE, PLEASE get help. People are there, here, and everywhere. Don't let your life without meaning, that is not God intended. He did not make me suffer but instead this has become one of my testimonies to help others....I'm sorry there is no spell check today.

Shout to the LORD!!

What a wonderful day it has been! Thank you Lord for surrounding me with your beauty!! What a might God we serve!

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I'm so happy I don't even know what to talk to about. So I left you a show!

Dear Lord,

Please help my husband. He's been on the right track and now he may be reverting to his old ways. Help him to understand what he needs in his life. It will only better him as husband, father, and man. He needs this change in his life, a new direction. I know that you will work with him if I call upon your name. I trust in you Lord. In Jesus name I pray, Amen...

In Rememberance

Today is Memorial Day. I always look back to this day 2002. This day 9 years ago, I was very fortunate to see my (now) husband. They got back at about 2230 hours from the war in Iraq. He was home and he was home alive!!

The days and night were long and at some times dreadful. His battalion left early February (the 8th to be exact). Every day I set by the TV waiting to get a glimpse of his face. Heck I even bought all the papers in the local area. People in San Clemente would look at us as if we were warriors. Funny thing is that we never saw ourselves as such but only saw our husbands as heroes. We all knew that one day our children would see that in them as well. Throughout the now 14 years in the military no trial has ever been so difficult. We made it! He was home. I remember when they got home. He got home on Memorial Day. What a blessing.

The worse part was during the time they were deployed, I stood watch in front of the TV. It came out that someone in 2/4 was killed. It was the first one while at war, an unjust war. All the wives in housing sat quietly listening if their door was the one they would have to face.

At the time I had more then one person to worry about. Anthony too was out there. He left 1 week after Mike did and was home 2 days before Mike came back. Only difference was that Anthony was with ¾. I knew he was fine. As long as I didn’t get word he was fine. I lived by the saying “no news is good news”.

Anyhow, 2/4 was the unit Mike was with. A day later it came out in the news that LT. Childers was shot to death. As selfish at it seems; it was with great relief that wasn’t us. Yet at the same time my heart went out to his family, which at the time lived up the hill from us. It was the first death in Operation Freedom. I knew then that regardless of the reasons that were given if one day I was in those shoes; I would know that my husband would have passed with honor that no matter what he died for, he died for the rights in which we take for granted today.

Today I sit here and think about all the people who lost their lives in the wars that have taken place in history. All whose souls were lost. All who left a mother, a father, a spouse, and perhaps children.

All together I lost 11 friends in the first 3 months of war.

Austin lost his daddy to a shot gun wound to the head. Austin was only 5 at the time. Austin also played with Michael.

SGT. Reynoso lost his life trying to save the life of a fellow brother, a marine. He left behind a 3 year old son and 8 year old daughter. He was hit in the chest and died instantly. He was my best friend.

I would name all 11 if I could get myself not to cry so I’m going to stop here. I just want to say that who have served and currently serve, you are a hero in my eyes and the eyes of my children. There is no greater hero then YOU. Thank you for endless amount of hours you put in. Thank you for thinking of a nation that at times doesn’t seem to remember all you’ve done and all the sacrifices you endure each day.

To my cousin Mark, God has his angels watching over you. Thank you making a decision that not anyone can make. I love you my little cousin. You are a MARINE!

Isn’t it something that they sacrifice so much for so little? A few days ago “Sarah” posted a link about how the schools in CA will vote to bring a Gay Marriage curriculum. I’m opposed to it. I don’t see why a child should be taught this. I hope that God lays his hands on the state of CA.

Here in Pace, we have a Vice Principal (I think). I honestly can’t remember if he’s the vice or the principal. They were at a meeting sometime last week. He asked that they come together in prayer. Very simple right? After all, praying isn’t going to kill anyone. Guess what happened to him? Never mind, I’ll just tell you. This man of God is now being prosecuted for praying. He has to stand in front of judge and plead himself guilty of a “crime”.

I’m sorry people, but even at some point when do we realize that something is wrong?

The weather in the panhandle of Florida is absolutely gorgeous right now.

Let’s see here. Okay so I’m going back to school. My first goal is to receive an AA in Religious Psychology. Amazing isn’t it?! As soon as I receive that I will go ahead and get my BA in Business in Health. I’m going to shock some people when they read this. I have only shared my thoughts with one other person. She knows who she is.

Here’s my life in a nutshell. My family knows some but not to its fullest extent. Either I have or a family member has allowed me to witness this. I have experienced the following in my life;

Prostitution,
Drugs and Alcohol,
Gangs,
Attempted Murder,
Rape,
Abandonment,
Emotional Abuse,
Homeless,
Lastly, Faith and a broken vicious circle!

I have to say that without any of these I couldn’t be the person I am today. I LOVE my life.

Let this be the last paragraph for the night. Tomorrow I will be going in to see my Dr. My appointment is set for 11am. I’ll update tomorrow.