10 years ago today

We were preparing to bury my dad. Our Thanksgiving came with a heavy heart and lots of mourning. My dad passed away on the 17th of November and this past 17th didn't go by unforgotten. It never does. I've heard parents say, "I'd rather go first then to watch my children be buried". I think that's one of the things that helped me get past losing my dad. It would have been devastating had my dad had to see us go. He buried my brother. He did not speak of it for weeks. He really didn't do much. I'm not even sure how exactly he coped with Vincent's death. All I know is that with every Thanksgiving I remember who my dad was and all that he wanted during the holiday seasons. This was his favorite time of year. He'd hold his grandchildren as if it was the last time he'd ever see them. They loved every second of it you know? Not once did he treat them different from the other. He held them for just as long and kissed them the same amount of time, and he told each and every one them how much he loved them.

I'm not sure if my sister recalls but every holiday season my dad would say, " We will not fight or be negative for the next month.". I'd laugh deep down inside because let me tell you sometimes it was NOT easy, but that ever so slightly reminder stuck to me through out the years. I hear myself telling the kids the day before Thanksgiving, "don't be fighting for the holidays, enjoy them".

So even though my dad is not here with us, he still holds a big part during the holiday season. How can I forget such a loving, caring, self motivated, gentle man, whose hands where hairy?!! I had to say that. When we went to church in Kettleman City I use to play with his hair on his hands in church. Sometimes to the point where I remember tangling them...hehehe. He never said a thing.

I miss him so much, but I am so truly thankful for the blessings that God has poured upon us this very day. I have my husband home, my children here and living, and a home covered by the blood of the Lamb. Thank you Lord for all that you have done in my life, even in the times that I tried to push you away. Thank for you guiding me, loving me unconditionally, and forever holding me in your arms. Thank you for all that you have done for me and my family.


PS. Tomorrow is 10 years since we said good bye to my daddy.

Please hear me...

In a way this if for me. An old friend of mine brought up my mother. Yes, My mother and sister are still living. I know I rarely mention them.

When I left CA I vowed never to go back unless the military took us back or God forbid something were to happen to a family member. I still really do feel that way. California is NOT the place I want my children to grow up at. Plus, we really can’t afford the cost of living there.

I know where I’m going with this I just have to make sure that I word it correctly.

Since moving to Florida our family has truly been blessed. Why would I want that change. Well honestly I don’t. I had my surgery 5 weeks ago and since then I’ve met some of the most awesome people! It almost makes me want to stay here despite my allergies. So what if I have to take shots all my life! WHO CARES! I love it here!!

Anyway, I’m different then those back in the central valley of California and they don’t care too much about the kids and I. I’m okay with that BUT boy do I miss my nieces and nephews. I learned today that some things have yet to change. I really hope that one day they will. I pray that one day my mom will begin to come back to church. I wish that my sister would find her life peaceful. I really do. I don’t hate them, but rather I don’t totally agree with their lifestyles at the moment. Does that make me a bad a person? I’m not saying that I’m perfect, because I come with a large amount of faults. I’m sure they would have no problem making mention of the mistakes I’ve made.

I have tried so hard not point fingers. I refuse to do that. All I can do is laugh about it all. I can not recall ever having a sisterly relationship with my sister and that is sad. I do miss my mother, but prefer that I had a mom. I do hurt for them because when the times comes I hope to see them in heaven where we could all feast together. I worry about them and a lot of times wonder if I’ll get call saying they have passed away; perhaps from drinking and driving.

I wouldn’t doubt that one day they will read this and I’m unsure of how they will respond. I’d like to say I’m not a bad person but sometimes I feel that I am.

The only family I’ve come to know is the military families and those who have impacted our lives throughout the 14 years of service.

It truly breaks my heart that my immediate family has no faith in Christ. I do know that God hasn’t let go of them. When they call for him he will hear them and guide them. He is such a loving and forgiving God. Oh dear Lord, I pray that you touch my mom and sister. I pray that you forgive me for keeping my distance. I pray that they will look to you for forgiveness and that one day we can become a family we once had. I plead to you Christ that you find some way to show them that you still love them as long as they ask for your forgiveness. Please, please Lord, protect those children and guide them, and bring them close to you, because through them Lord, you will bring my mom and sister to you……Please dear God hear my cries…….