A time of reflection

I haven’t written because it’s been one thing after another. I ended up with a nice cold in which I couldn’t beat. Good thing is I was able to beat off another sickness with my Activate. I must say I LOVE my immune booster!

Let’s see here; as most know I was taking classes per distance learning. Well we’re on the last week right now and all my finals are due in by Friday. I should be slightly worried but honestly I care less. Sounds bad doesn’t it? It’s only because I find these classes relatively easy.

I have come to the conclusion that I will not be taking any more classes with University of Phoenix. I have decided to wait till the spring to enroll with Southwestern University; continuing distance learning.

Second conclusion, is that I have to take some anti-depression and anxiety pills. For the first time in my life I have felt panic attacks and boy does it feel awful. They are indescribable. I don’t quite understand where they have come from. I assume that it stems from all the stresses in my life, not just recent ones. For that reason they recommended that I seek consoling. I have to see someone twice a week. I am hesitatent and am not thrilled about having to do any of three but I’ll give it a shot (I have no choice).

For the first time in my life I have felt so loved and a part of a huge family. Everyone here has been awesome. The support network here has been wonderful. So many people are often stepping in to help someone/s in need. I have never seen so much love in one little town.

My family and I have met so many beautiful people. I have been fortunate to meet women from the elders at the church to the young mothers at the Co-op (homeschool group). The Clinic has shown me a part of the Navy that I have not seen before. I guess that happens when 80% of them have at some point in their careers been attached to the Marines. One of the best parts is that with each duty station you tend leave with some of the best friendships. Boy, have I left with some great friends.

Here it is 14 years and 20+ moves and I still have friends that I met in 29 Palms. Man have they changed! I’ve seen spiritual growth in some. One friend’s son has a special place in my heart. He’s playing football now! Oh and not to mention he has facial hair! What in the world happened to my little baby?! So his mom tells me that I too have left a mark in hers and his heart. I couldn’t tell you what I’ve done to fill a spot there but whatever it may be I know I will always carry that family with me where ever I may go.

I wonder if she knows who she is. If she does, I hope to see them soon! I miss you guys. By the way that was 13 years ago. So many relationships have been built because of the military. How blessed I’ve been to have such great friends.
Life in the trailer has been wonderful! You know it only takes 10 minutes to clean house? Take that my friends! Oh and not much can be cooked in the house, so everything is healthy! Oh yeah, second base! Let’s not mention that our rent is $300, triple score! All bases loaded my friend! Next best thing; our family has become much stronger and we are working as a team! HOMERUN!!!!!

We’ve been living in this home for one month now and have found many ways of still having our space. This is only the beginning. Seriously if you haven’t done this you should. If you do, don’t go in being negative about it or it will get you nowhere.
Okay time to reflect on what’s happened in the past week. I’ll do it in bullet form.
• Not a penny to our name
• Our frig died and so did all the food in it.
• I had a break down and now taking meds
• The awning broke
• Mike is leaving to Afghanistan for 1 year
• Anthony arrived..
• We got paid! Paid half of one bill and still have money left!!!!
• God has been good to us!!!

I do have more to say but I’m going to stop there because I’m sure you’re tired of reading.

A Call of Anguish

One of our youth shared this with the youth group last evening. This is a powerful message. It truly has touched my heart.

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Insane in the membranes

Aside from a recent post I have found myself listening to the voices of others. Often I’ve known the answer but still felt a need to hear it from the box of mankind. I sit there in agreement with what they tell me, clearly a confirmation of what I already knew. Still, I needed to hear it.

Often times in the past, I helped those in need, but when it was our time I refused it. I just didn’t need it that bad. I knew someone else was in a worse position then we were. Oh how the tables have turned. You know what amazes me the most? We have such a loving Heavenly Father! He understands the needs of our family. The thing was that I didn’t fully give my needs to him. I wasn’t allowing others to blessed by helping us; a family currently in need. WOW, we’re a family a need… Shocking isn’t it?! I never thought I would hear myself say that about…US.

This morning and I once again found myself reevaluating our goals, I read this quote:

“Oh money, money, money, I’m not necessarily one of those who thinks thee holy, but I often stop to wonder how thou canst go out so fast when thou comest in so slowly.”

-Ogden Nash

My jaw dropped! I saw this and I was like Joey. WHOOOOAAA!!! It made sense. It really did. I sat with the family and I asked them to take a closer look at this. I asked them some questions.

1. What is it that you want this very second?
2. What is it that you want in a month?
3. What am I (mom) doing wrong?
4. What do you hope to see from all this?

The answers were clear. The kids and Mike said that I stressed too much about money. Funny thing is, is that they answered each question with what they wanted; worldly things.
Here I was answering questions of what I hope to give them. Like I wish I could supply you with this and that and so forth. We realized that we really weren’t working together. Instead we were doing the inevitable. We were asking for what we don’t have. We created a vicious circle that wasn’t helping anyone. I’m stressing which in turn makes them stress. How do we stop it? Well let’s stop fighting about what we don’t have and enjoy what the Lord has supplied us with at the moment. Who cares if we don’t have food the next day?! We’ll get some. Who cares if gas can barely get us to church and back? We’ll get gas. The sister’s at the church, sisters with the homeschool, those that we have met within our neighborhoods have all been praying for us, and to you I’ve been thankful. Lee and the rest of my beautiful friends have been an absolute blessing as well.
Friday I couldn’t deal anymore. I had to go to the clinic (without Mike’s knowledge). They say I’m suffering from high levels of anxiety and I’m clinically depressed. I’m taking meds. Do I want to though? NO way!!
I was telling a dear friend last evening that I feel Satan won. She gave me some words of encouragement that made me feel a little better.
I have also learned that I need to allow others to feel blessed by helping us. Well I have to say this. I don’t know why but if you ask I WILL always say we don’t need it. It’s just best if you just do it. I am so sorry that this is a point in our lives that nothing is going right. I feel…so awful….There is no better words for this…

Is God dancing on your potato chips?

I got this from one of many beautiful women I know.
Thank you Venita!


IS GOD DANCING ON YOUR POTATO CHIPS?

Not too long ago I had "one of those days." I was feeling pressure from a

writing deadline. I had company arriving in a couple days and the toilet

was clogged. I went to the bank, and the trainee teller processing my

deposit had to start over three times. I swung by the supermarket to pick

up a few things and the lines were serpentine. By the time I got home, I

was frazzled and sweaty and in a hurry to get something on the table for

dinner.

Deciding on Campbell 's Cream of Mushroom soup, I grabbed a can opener,

cranked open the can, then remembered I had forgotten to buy milk at the

store. Nix the soup idea. Setting the can aside, I went to plan B, which

was leftover baked beans. I grabbed the Tupperware container from the

fridge, popped the seal, took a look and groaned. My husband isn't a

picky eater, but even HE won't eat baked beans that look like

caterpillars.

Really frustrated now, I decided on a menu that promised to be as

foolproof as it is nutrition-free: hot dogs and potato chips. Retrieving

a brand new bag of chips from the cupboard, I grabbed the cellophane and

gave a hearty pull. The bag didn't open. I tried again. Nothing happened.

I took a breath, doubled my muscle, and gave the bag a hearty wrestle.

With a loud pop, the cellophane suddenly gave way, ripping wide from top

to bottom. Chips flew sky high. I was left holding the bag, and it was

empty.

It was the final straw. I let out a blood curdling scream. "I CAN'T TAKE

IT ANYMORE!" My husband heard my unorthodox cry for help. Within minutes

he was standing at the doorway to the kitchen, where he surveyed the

damage: an opened can of soup, melting groceries, moldy baked beans, and

one quivering wife standing ankle deep in potato chips. My husband did

the most helpful thing he could think of at the moment. He took a flying

leap, landing flat-footed in the pile of chips. And then he began to

stomp and dance and twirl, grinding those chips into my linoleum in the

process!

I stared. I fumed. Pretty soon I was working to stifle a smile.

Eventually I had to laugh. And finally I decided to join him. I, too,

took a leap onto the chips. And then I danced. Now I'll be the first to

admit that my husband's response wasn't the one I was looking for. But

the truth is, it was exactly what I needed. I didn't need a cleanup crew

as much as I needed an attitude adjustment, and the laughter from that

rather funky moment provided just that.

So now I have a question for you, and it's simply this: Has God ever

stomped on your chips? I know that, in my life, there have been plenty of

times when I've gotten myself into frustrating situations and I've cried

out for help, all the while hoping God would show up with a celestial

broom and clean up the mess.

What often happens instead is that God dances on my chips, answering my

prayer in a completely different manner than I had expected, but in the

manner that is best for me after all. Sometimes I can see right away that

God's response was the best one after all. Sometimes I have to wait weeks

or months before I begin to understand how and why God answered a

particular prayer the way He did. There are even some situations that,

years later, I'm still trying to understand. I figure God will fill me in

sooner or later, either this side of Heaven or beyond.

Do I trust Him? Even when He's answering my prayers in a way that is

completely different from my expectations? Even when He's dancing and

stomping instead of sweeping and mopping:? Can I embrace what He's

offering? Can I let His joy adjust my attitude? Am I going to stand on

the sidelines and sulk, or am I willing to learn the steps of the dance

He's dancin' with my needs in mind? I'll be honest with you: Sometimes I

sulk. Sometimes I dance. I'm working on doing more of the latter than the

former. I guess the older I get the more I realize that He really does

know what He's doing. He loves me and I can trust Him. Even when the

chips are down.

Author Unknown