Aside from a recent post I have found myself listening to the voices of others. Often I’ve known the answer but still felt a need to hear it from the box of mankind. I sit there in agreement with what they tell me, clearly a confirmation of what I already knew. Still, I needed to hear it.
Often times in the past, I helped those in need, but when it was our time I refused it. I just didn’t need it that bad. I knew someone else was in a worse position then we were. Oh how the tables have turned. You know what amazes me the most? We have such a loving Heavenly Father! He understands the needs of our family. The thing was that I didn’t fully give my needs to him. I wasn’t allowing others to blessed by helping us; a family currently in need. WOW, we’re a family a need… Shocking isn’t it?! I never thought I would hear myself say that about…US.
This morning and I once again found myself reevaluating our goals, I read this quote:
“Oh money, money, money, I’m not necessarily one of those who thinks thee holy, but I often stop to wonder how thou canst go out so fast when thou comest in so slowly.”
-Ogden Nash
My jaw dropped! I saw this and I was like Joey. WHOOOOAAA!!! It made sense. It really did. I sat with the family and I asked them to take a closer look at this. I asked them some questions.
1. What is it that you want this very second?
2. What is it that you want in a month?
3. What am I (mom) doing wrong?
4. What do you hope to see from all this?
The answers were clear. The kids and Mike said that I stressed too much about money. Funny thing is, is that they answered each question with what they wanted; worldly things.
Here I was answering questions of what I hope to give them. Like I wish I could supply you with this and that and so forth. We realized that we really weren’t working together. Instead we were doing the inevitable. We were asking for what we don’t have. We created a vicious circle that wasn’t helping anyone. I’m stressing which in turn makes them stress. How do we stop it? Well let’s stop fighting about what we don’t have and enjoy what the Lord has supplied us with at the moment. Who cares if we don’t have food the next day?! We’ll get some. Who cares if gas can barely get us to church and back? We’ll get gas. The sister’s at the church, sisters with the homeschool, those that we have met within our neighborhoods have all been praying for us, and to you I’ve been thankful. Lee and the rest of my beautiful friends have been an absolute blessing as well.
Friday I couldn’t deal anymore. I had to go to the clinic (without Mike’s knowledge). They say I’m suffering from high levels of anxiety and I’m clinically depressed. I’m taking meds. Do I want to though? NO way!!
I was telling a dear friend last evening that I feel Satan won. She gave me some words of encouragement that made me feel a little better.
I have also learned that I need to allow others to feel blessed by helping us. Well I have to say this. I don’t know why but if you ask I WILL always say we don’t need it. It’s just best if you just do it. I am so sorry that this is a point in our lives that nothing is going right. I feel…so awful….There is no better words for this…
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